​I'm fascinated by the inner work of leadership.

The hardest person you'll ever lead is you.

 

          Executive coach     Keynote speaker     Leadership consultant                       Dare to Lead™ (Brené Brown)   Business strategist      

Connecting culture to strategy     Board governance    Board dynamics

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I’m a recovering executive and graduate from the School of Overdoing, whose

subjects included overthinking, workaholism, perfectionism, and deriving self-worth

from accomplishments. Many coaches helped enhance my leadership. This transformed how I live my life. Leadership is far more about a way of being than it is about vision,

goal setting, and technical know-how. The lion’s share of leadership is about human connection. How we be in relationship with others can only be as healthy as our relationship with ourselves. 

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In my case, the triple crown of talent, work ethic, and playing well with others rocketed

me up the ranks in my midthirties. I wasn’t ready. This sparked credential-seeking behaviour to prove I was good enough: from a graduate degree in leadership to certification in executive coaching. I also participated in many leadership development programs. Self-awareness was the bedrock of these programs. Observing similar relationship patterns with two husbands also provided valuable, if annoying, insights.  

Oh, and there was individual and marriage therapy too. (Brené Brown says she’s never met a great leader who hasn’t had a coach, a therapist, or both. Yay me.) I learned from great bosses along the way and a few soul-destroying ones. Parenting provided many lessons, including how to navigate joint custody and autism challenges. 

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I was lucky enough to receive executive coaching in my early forties and benefited greatly. My talented coaches helped me uncover limiting beliefs, a host of inner critics, and protective behaviors that weren’t serving me. I call this dark triad “dragons.” They sent me messages like . . . 

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You’re not good enough. 

You’re too sensitive. 

You don’t belong. 

You want too much. 

You’re too idealistic. 

You’re too much for people. 

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It felt like my own voice, when really, it was dragons masquerading as me. The statements felt like truths and drove many of my feelings and behaviors. Maggie Larkin, my first coach, held up the mirror, asked provocative questions, and helped me dramatically increase self-awareness, much more than all the training had. I started noticing my reactions and patterns everywhere. It was wildly uncomfortable. 

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Every meeting with my coach was a haven. I could vent, cry, and share what wasn’t working. I never felt judged or like a lost cause. Maggie and subsequent coaches listened, asked provocative questions, and gave me ideas to try out when I was stuck. They helped me embrace everything about myself, including what I don’t like. I learned more self-compassion, which expanded compassion for others. I finally acknowledged

my powerful presence. I couldn’t see it because I felt warm and flawed. How could that

be intimidating? But perception is reality. I took accountability for my impact (that sounds buzzwordy, but it’s true). At first, I overcompensated, showing up quiet and reserved. People wondered what the hell was going on with me. Gradually, I found a way to be myself without taking up all the air in the room. Like magic, relationships with colleagues improved dramatically. The growth that occurred was phenomenal. I became a much better leader at work and a better human in general.

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In my new book Self-Coaching The Dragon Within: The hardest person you'll ever lead

is you, I write about my experience and what I've witnessed during hundreds of hours coaching clients. The dragon within is alive and well in most of us. This book grounds

you in how to demonstrate leadership as a way of being and tune into your higher self/soul/essence to discover what is deeply true to you. This will help you coach

yourself, along with a DRAGONS self-coaching model.

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Most of us who become senior leaders land there with great intentions. But the

crushing pressure and inevitable politics strain our ability to show up as our best self.

It takes introspection boot camp and practice to gain the self-awareness and wisdom required to address longstanding habits of mind and go-to reactions. This also involves vertical development to expand your consciousness. It's a fascinating journey that will radically transform how you experience yourself and others, your capacity to trust and forgive, the manner you choose to hold others accountable, and how you view problems.

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If you're serious about demonstrating leadership as a way of being

(at work and everywhere else), you need a coach.

Elite athletes wouldn't dream of competing without one.

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Whether engaging with an audience during a keynote, working with a coaching client, facilitating Dare to Lead™, helping an executive team or Board surface trust issues or hammer out strategy, my goal is the same: to create a safe container that helps you show up as your best self. The world needs each and every one of us to contribute our talents. It takes courage to look in the mirror but the rewards are immense. ​